While I have spent so many nights crying and grieving over the loss of my husband, (see picture above), apparently my daughter has not. Her anger comes in spurts and is not in proportion to the offense. I can totally understand why she is angry, I have dealt with anger too.
I cannot explain how I managed to get to the other side so quickly, except to say that I really leaned on God. I allowed my heart to stay soft towards the Lord, and believed that no matter what, God had my best interests at heart. Grief is a multi-faceted thing and cannot be measured by time. It is something that is not tangible, we cannot just say ok, I'm done. Grief is a process and has to be worked through. I found a website called griefshare.com, I used this site endlessly, I also went to a website called youngwidows.com, I recieved alot of support from that site.
We have to identify many things:
Why do we hurt so much? you might think DUH! But hey, this is a valid question. When does the pain feel the deepest? How does your pain feel? Do you have someone who you can express your pain to? It has to be someone you can trust. For me I had several people that I went to, I did not want to hear scriptures, or platitudes, I just wanted them to listen to me, and tell me it sucked. Cause it did! We have to allow ourselves to grieve. It is ok to grieve.
Focus on what brings you comfort! I found alot of comfort in reading the word of God. I spent a lot of time worshiping. My grandkids were a HUGE comfort. I posted their pictures above as well.
Next we have to look at how grief is affecting you physically and emotionally. For me I simply did not eat. I went from a size 18 to a size 10 in 11 weeks. Not healthy! I did not sleep. I could not function. My relationship with my daughter suffered. She lost her daddy, I lost my lover, best friend, and confidant. Nowhere near the same on the loss chart, but still, we both lost something we will never have again.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
I literally hung on God for everything, I cried out to him constantly, and he gave me peace and understanding. I constantly repeated the scripture I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength Phil 4:13. This was my mantra!
Even now 15 months later that pain can be as fresh as if it just happened. Yes I can talk about the accident without crying, yes I can use what I have been through to minister to others. This is my focus. And Hey, God made sure I had all this time off of work to make sure that I took the time to grieve. Otherwise, knowing me I would have stuffed it, and that is not healthy.
So I write this blog for my lovely daughter, Jennifer.
Your daddy was a great man, no one will ever take his place, no one ever could. Your daddy wants you to be happy and continue living. He wants you to raise Storie and any other children you have to know all about their Pop's. You take the legacy he left for you and pass it to your children, and your children's children. You are a strong, beautiful, Durham woman. Make your daddy proud. If there is anything in this post you can use, then take it and use it, lean on me anytime you need to. I will always be here for you my lovely girl.
Love momma
