One day

Tomorrow will be one year. The day my new life began. After spending almost 22 years with the same man, who I loved with my whole heart, he was taken from me in a tragic accident. He went to the Dr. because he was not feeling good, after he left the Dr. Office he called me. It was 2:08 pm on Wednesday, Janurary 30th, 2008. We were talking on the phone and he was telling me that the Dr. thought he had Bronchitis and gave him a shot so that he would feel better faster.

At 2:15 Jerry hit a huge utility pole and was killed. I heard the whole thing. I was on the phone the whole time, I was with him as he breathed his last breath. He had passed out and slumped over the steering wheel putting all his weight on the gas pedal, which caused his speed to increase to well over 60 mph. He was dead before they even got him out of the truck. When they took his body away the bluetooth disconnected because it had been knocked off his body. I called my BFF Jeri Benjamin and told her what happened and she told me to call 911 and ask about a one vehicle accident.

When I called 911 they informed me there was a one vehicle accident with that make and model of vehicle and I asked where they transported. After finding out, I called Jeri and took off. She tried to get me to wait but of course I could not. I drove slower and slower the closer to the hosptial I got. When I finally got there, it seemed surreal. I got inside and spoke to the guy behind the desk at the ER. He got up and left and did not come back, that freaked me out. Jeri and Gary Benjamin finally got there and I felt like I had an anchor. I had already called Jennifer and she was on her way. They came out and got me but would not let Jeri go in with me.

Retelling this story is making my heart beat out of my chest.

Since they did not let Jeri go back with me I thought oh thank God, he is alive just hurt really bad. They led me thru the ER area, past all the curtains that were closed, past all the other workers, who just stood and stared at me, all the way to the end curtain. As they opened the curtain I saw a corner of the bed, I expected Jerry to be in it, but it was empty. Then I saw a chair that they tried to put me in. I did not exactly cooperate. I grabbed the Dr.'s arms and just dug my fingernails in, I wanted to hurt him. In that moment before he told me what I did not want to hear, I wanted to give him as much pain as I knew I was going to experience.

You hear people say things all the time that they never expected it, they had no idea they would have to go through something like that. It is so true! Until you go through something like that, you have no clue. I was not untouched by grief, I have had my share, I promise.

Yet I was looking in the face of this white-haired man, who was going to say something to me that would forever change my world. I felt the rug get pulled out from under me. I felt my body tilt, I felt the whoosh of air, I felt the sudden shock of disbelief and I said, "I'm not gonna like what you are going to tell me, am I", He said, "no ma'am, he did not make it".......

New Life

This time last year I was blissfully unaware that my life was about to change. I knew my daughter was getting married and would be gone in a few weeks. I knew that Jerry and I would be totally alone for the first time in our lives. I know that we were so looking forward to that time. We were so excited, we had made all these plans.

I had no clue that the man I adored would soon be gone from my life. As I sat on the couch nursing my bronchitis, getting ready for my daughter's wedding which was only two weeks away, I was addressing invitations. Jerry was smoking briskit for Jennifer's reception.

That Tuesday Jerry started getting sick, coughing, fever, feeling bad, I guess I need to mention that he was only post-op since November when they had to go back in from the surgery in October to open the wounds and clean them out since they were forming pockets and producing copious amounts of fluid. He was still in a huge amount of pain and was out there smoking briskit for his baby girl.

Jerry was definitly a man all about his kids. He was such an incredible father. I never worried as a mother because I knew he would do whatever it took to make sure that our children were provided for. He made sure that all their needs and even their desires were taken care of. Even though he had given up his two girls he never stopped talking about them, he never stopped worrying about them, and he never gave up hope that one day he would be able to have that relationship restored. A few weeks before he was tragically killed he was reconcilied with his oldest daughter, which went very well. Jerry was finally at peace, and very pleased.

He was always helping others and making everything ok for everyone else. I never wanted for a thing and had to be very careful as he did not like to tell me no and I did not want to take advantage of him.

I had such a wonderful love affair with that man. God trusted me enough to allow me to be a gift to him and to allow him to be My gift.

Thank you God!!